Abandoning Dating at Middle Age in Favor of Friendship

 They offer their finest ideas out for free

As a child who struggled with a speech impediment, I have always admired those who can speak their minds with ease. Not just their manner of speech, but also the way they walked and the way I felt around them.

But it didn’t seem to me until much later that the one attribute all my pals appeared to have was immense confidence. I suppose I did it unconsciously to shield myself from scrutiny and conceal my own fears. After all, often the safest place for the quietest youngster to sit is behind the strongest.

At age 23, I made the most idiotic decision of my life: I entered the sales workforce. When I found myself in a new and unfamiliar situation, I did what I usually did in similar situations: I made friends with the most self-assured coworkers. It was more of a gut reaction to seek out the most self-assured individuals and blend in with them rather than any conscious awareness of the strategic value of forming alliances with likeable individuals.

This repeated defensive technique has turned out to be the smartest thing I’ve ever inadvertently done. And after decades of doing it, I’ve picked up on a few basic features that are consistent in confident people — and in the process — I’ve managed to enhance my own confidence. Eight of the qualities are listed below.

For one, they don't try to force their will on others.

The very self-assured are certain that they will achieve their goals in life. Since this is the case, they don't brazenly inform everyone they encounter about their ambitious objectives. Instead, they possess a “I can and will learn from everyone” mentality and appreciate nothing more than learning about the viewpoints, ideas, and feelings of the people around them. This is for the simple reason that they like people and they want to do well by them.

Next time you’re in a group situation, take note of who directs the conversation and how: Who asks the most insightful questions, and who listens more than they speak? Conversational dominance is not necessary for self-assured persons. They are well aware of their own motivations and objectives, and they are eager to learn about those of those around them.

2. They aggressively link others

People who exude self-assurance are kind and always on the lookout for ways to aid others. One way they achieve this is by connecting people with similar interests whenever they get the chance. And they take the time to introduce individuals in a way that shows they care.

When people say things like, "You've got to meet Todd. I was referring to him as "the man who has a talent for thinking outside the box" That's pretty amazing, right? Here is a lot more interesting introduction than, "Hey, this is my coworker Todd."

Third, they are open with one another about their thoughts.

Confident people not only generously extend their social circles, but also refrain from hoarding their own original ideas. They give them out as often as they can and for no reason at all.

To what extent can I assist Nick in resolving this issue? How could we help Lisa obtain more exposure for her work? Is there anything holding Ian back from taking his company from excellent to great? Self-assured people ponder about issues because they derive significant personal fulfillment from assisting others in achieving their objectives. Furthermore, they understand that time is limited, and that sharing their ideas with others is the surest method to see them implemented.

The fourth, they keep going in a smart way

People that exude confidence are crystal clear on their goals and have the intestinal fortitude to stick at it even when the deck is stacked against them. However, many people do this very thing. Real confidence comes from being open to feedback from those who may have a different perspective than one's own.

Not only that, but confident individuals aren’t scared to change their ideas when they are provided with a superior choice. There's no need to argue over who's in the right or wrong here. People with self-assurance take counsel with gratitude and then pass it on if they find it to be superior.

5. They are able to let go of concerns over matters beyond their control.

People that know they're right will fight for it. They know that most of what occurs in life is out of their hands, and they are almost resolute in letting things play out as they may.

Consider your choices carefully. Consult highly regarded individuals on all sides of the issue for insight. Make a decision. Just see what happens. Similar to most pieces of advise, this is easier to say than to really do, yet self-assured people never back down from a challenge.

There is congruence between their words and their body language

According to the findings of the aforementioned researchers, trust is established when there is agreement between verbal and nonverbal cues.

When you're in the presence of someone who exudes self-assurance, you can tell that they're paying attention because of the way they hold themselves and make eye contact. They get close when they know you're emotionally invested in a topic, and they don't mind touching you gently when it's called for.

The seventh characteristic is that they are not dependent on external validation.

While everyone craves recognition on some level, those who are fully assured, to paraphrase Kareem Abdul Jabbar, just wish "to play the game well and go home."

I recently overheard someone remark, “Surely you heard about what I did?” Following that, people began leaving in droves. Confident folks play for the name on the front of the shirt and divert most attention onto the team — or onto someone who went undetected. They realize that sharing the spotlight is considerably more rewarding than doing it alone.

8. They praise the accomplishment of others

What's keeping you from being sincerely pleased for somebody who battled hard to attain one of their objectives if you know what you want and are on a route to obtaining it yourself?

Self-assured people take great pride in the achievements of others and understand the value of providing moral and material assistance when needed. They reflect on pivotal moments in their own life when they were inspired by others. Being really pleased for other people has a curious effect of making you even happier yourself.

Maybe the most important thing I've learned is that it's okay to be imperfect and to have concerns, but that they shouldn't stop you from being yourself and going for your goals.

My friends taught me that, and in turn taught me the true definition of confidence: Taking care of your own and giving them the strength to one day take care of others.

Post a Comment

Nuova Vecchia